My letter to you.

Anxiety is real.

There are two scenarios from my high school days that I remember vividly. I am going to share both of them with you today.

Growing up, you could say I was always part of the “popular crowd”. I played sports since the age of 4 and was well liked by many. I cared about people deeply, and so made friends easily. Then one day after sophomore year of high school, I went over to one of my best friend’s house to hang out with “the girls”. Little did I know, my group of closest friends had gotten together to tell me that I was too serious and too uptight to be around. I wasn’t fun anymore and it was stressful being around me. They no longer wanted to be my friends.

The second scenario I remember vividly was hyperventilating in my room one evening because I had a test the next day, and I didn’t feel like I was learning the information that was going to be on the test as well as I should be. Worried that I was going to get a grade other than an A on the exam. Fearful that I wasn’t ready to take this test.. in high school.

I tell you this because this isn’t where my journey with anxiety began and these aren’t the only scenarios in my life where I have felt/feel this way. My life has been filled with these scenarios for a long time. My journey began in my childhood, and these scenarios that I share with you today- this is when I started to realize I am different, that my thoughts, emotions, and feelings are sometimes too much for me to process. And when I compared myself to others (which I will talk about in a future post) I felt ashamed, weak, and incapable to handle what to others seemed like a cakewalk. At this time, I knew I was different, but I thought it was just something I would have to deal with, in one way or another, for the rest of my life. I was comfortable admitting this is just who I am- a perfectionist, a worrier, an introvert, an unconfident, anxious girl.

As I went through college studying to be a doctor and then later to be a dietitian, I started to realize how powerful food can be; how it can make us feel, how it affects our predisposition to certain diseases, how it can bring people together, and how undervalued it truly is. All while learning about human biology, anatomy, physiology, psychology and nutrition, I also started being mindful of what movement does for my body and my mind. I have always been a distance runner since I started running and playing sports at a young age; however, my purpose for movement and exercise now has changed. I rarely compete anymore because I have realized competing and the drive to win (just like the test I was preparing for) causes me to be anxious. I now run, move, and exercise to celebrate what my body can do and create a space for me to just “be”.

I want you to know you are not alone in your battle with anxiety, and you don’t have to live a life where you fear it but instead live a life with it at your side, as a copilot and friend. Through my continuous journey of healing with anxiety, my hope is to be your compass, to help navigate you towards a life of wellness both mentally and physically, to help you understand yourself and your body on an individual level.