What the word 'relationship' means when it comes to food.

What if I told you it’s possible to approach food from a place of nourishment and without shame and restriction. 

Would that be old news or a revelation? 

With the way the media broadcasts strict diets, non-realistic beauty standards, and misinformation about nutrition, it’s easy to feel information overload, distrust in your body, and see food as an enemy. On top of that, human brains are wired for categorization. This helps you shape your reality and is used for survival. All your life you have been taught to categorize objects, grades, animals, behaviors, and of course food. 

So how does this behavior relate to food? Well let’s see, there are good foods and there are bad foods, right? Wrong. In reality, almost nothing is black and white especially when it comes to food. Even though you may think it’s helpful to categorize food to make decision making easier at mealtime this way of thinking can often lead to feelings of shame when you choose something that is considered to be in the bad category. Labeling foods as bad can even cause you to feel like you need to put in extra work tomorrow or the next day to “earn” the food you just ate or are about to eat. 

Sound familiar? 

At times you may punish yourself for not sticking to your current diet or “giving in” when presented a piece of chocolate cake, especially on an “off” day or day of rest from exercise.  But I want you to consider this: maybe the problem isn’t your willpower, maybe what is standing between you and feeling your absolute best is your relationship with your food. Shoot, that is some tough love. 

You may be thinking, “having a relationship with your food sounds a bit far fetched”, but the food you consume and the way you feel about it can have a greater impact on your life than you ever thought was possible. 

 Food can be used for comfort, a stress reliever, a reward, punishment, or means of control.  Used as a coping mechanism, it ultimately affects not only the choices you make, but also how your VIEW of food. 

For example, something that predominantly negatively affects this relationship with food is the pervasive diet culture in today’s society. It has become a topic that is frequently discussed in normal conversation.  How many times have you said to someone “I ate good today” or “I ate bad today” maybe you even said, “Ugh, I did a bad thing” after eating what you consider ‘bad’. This type of good/bad language is what can cause you or others around you to feel shame, guilt, or even gratification about the foods you just ate., and ultimately your view of the experience. This is a slippery slope when you view yourself by what you did or did not eat or by passing judgment to those around you. 

Furthermore, this kind of behavior is similar to self-talk that starts with “I should.” “I should look like that, I should work out more, I should eat clean.” Trains of thought like this are a shame trap. However, if you notice you are having any of the above thoughts or conversations, don’t pass judgment on yourself, just take note of them. Be aware. Be mindful. They are good indicators that you may need to re-evaluate your relationship with food. Just like any troubled relationship, it will take putting in work to improve and may not change overnight but the result can dramatically improve your overall quality of life. 

Once you take a deeper look into your current relationship with food (yes, everyone has a relationship with food) and address any areas that need some TLC, then it is easier to know where to begin the healing process. To begin to understand where your relationship stands now, take a few minutes to journal responses to these questions. Remember:  start from a place of compassion when reviewing your answers. 

Now time to take a look at your answers and figure out what they mean! 

Questions 1 & 2:

If you answered ‘yes’, remember that humans are wired for survival. Your primitive brain is still triggered by fears of food scarcity. When you are deprived of food whether, through financial scarcity or the choice of low consumption, your brain is going to tell you to feast when food is next available. Studies have shown that children that experienced food scarcity throughout childhood, have tendencies to eat or hoard if food is present even when feelings of hunger are absent. 

Question 3:

If you answered ‘yes’, you are not alone. It’s common to use food as a reward especially when you grow up with cake and junk food in tow for every fun occasion (birthdays, promotions, sleepovers, etc). It is only natural then to associate certain foods with positive feelings. As a child, your parents may have used typical off-limit foods as a special treat to award good behavior, which can send a mixed message. You may have started to associate these ‘off-limit’ foods with certain moods or behaviors. 

Questions 4, 5, 6, & 7:

Your answers to these can provide you insight into why you reach towards certain foods when you are feeling stressed, sad, or lonely. 

Question 8:

If you answered ‘yes’ to this one, as I mentioned above, this type of language around eating has become so normalized that you may not see it as an issue. However, if you are feeling shame around your food choices because society claims a certain food is ‘bad’ then it becomes quite damaging. 

Question 9:

if you have specific aversions or fears of foods, there is a wide variety of reasons for the source of these feelings including traumas and events of force-feeding. For this area, I’m not talking about a slight dislike or food avoidance concerning an allergy. 

These are just a few questions to get you to think about how your perspective on diet and food has been shaped throughout your life. It is not a diagnostic questionnaire but a resource to explore where you may want to change some of your thought patterns about food. If your answers bring up concerns about your eating habits, you may want to consult with a Registered Dietitian or therapist that can help guide you through these thoughts. 

Now that you have an idea of what your current relationship to food looks like, where do you go from here? Be on the lookout for an upcoming blog post that will discuss how to implement intuitive eating habits in your life!

If you found this helpful, comment below or send me a private message, I would love to hear!